


To Be the Eldest

by goldenspecter



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Turtles, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Fluff, Gen, Nightmares, TCEST DNI, Turtle Tots (TMNT)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28257372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenspecter/pseuds/goldenspecter
Summary: Donnie, the second youngest in his family, wishes he was the eldest for once. Then one night, Donnie gets his wish granted and how he was three small turtles in his care.Donnie adjusts to being the eldest, comes to some realizations, and makes a promise to his (now) younger brothers.
Relationships: Donatello & April O'Neil (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	To Be the Eldest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tiredRobin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiredRobin/gifts).



> Hey everyone. Once again, a new fic, from me of all people. I did five secret santas(not the wisest thing to do). This is for my really good friend who I happened to get this year for the Rise server that we're in! They wanted a slew of things, so I tried my best to combine them together! I hope they like it. 
> 
> Uhh, this takes place sometime after the Season 2 finale. It was meant to be a complete one shot but if people really want me to continue it, I will. It would just be really slow with it since my brain has a whole slew of ideas and fics I'm writing. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy.

Donnie, as reluctant as he is to admit it, is the second youngest child out of his brothers. He will constantly grumble and complain that it isn’t fair that Leo is older than him, the older twin _and_ the second oldest. The fourteen-year-old can never escape his Leo constantly bragging about him being older than him and even though Raph always stops him right before Donnie is seconds away from shooting Leo with a tranq dart, Donnie still has the urge to punch Leo and fistfight him. 

So Donnie secretly wishes that he was the eldest. It’s not a power thing-oh who was he kidding, it was _absolutely_ a power thing. Somewhat. Kinda. He could tell Leo what to do and Leo would have no choice but to listen to him. Donnie relishes in having that kind of power. But as he said, it wasn’t necessarily a power thing. Not all of it. He wanted to be able to take care of his brothers, because after this whole Shredder thing, Mikey, Raph, and Leo weren’t really themselves and Donnie knew it. 

As much as Donnie wants to admit that his reasoning was for a completely selfish reason to keep in line with his emotionally distant bad boy persona, he must admit the hard, painful truth:

Hamato Donatello, loves and cares about his brothers. 

The night starts out like any other night, with the four boys out on patrol. Mikey catches Hypno being up to no good, Leo making a magic joke, and Raph leading the four of them into a fight with Hypno. Everything _seems_ to be going well, but then Hypno went against Donnie’s expectations and did something that he still does not comprehend. 

A bright flash, and Donnie’s brothers as he knows them are gone, and there are three smaller, _cuter_ versions of his brothers. Mikey looks up at him, and clumsily toddles over to him. 

“DonBon?” he calls out, and Donnie is taken aback by both small Mikey and Mikey using a nickname he hadn’t heard since they were young children. “I’m scared.”

“It’ll be okay,” Donnie says softly.

Leo pops up next to him. “Where are we?” he looks around, turning his attention back to Donnie. “Where is the lair? Where’s home? Who’s that weird guy? I wanna go home.”

Donnie is still assessing the situation. One, his brothers are children. Well, all of them are but specifically, they are smaller children. Two, they don’t seem to remember anything beyond how old they are. Donnie thinks he can handle that. 

“We’ll be going home soon, Leon,” Donnie says calmly, even though internally he is so far beyond the definition of calm. He’s straight up in panic territory, that’s Raph’s job. “Everything will be okay.”

“Why are you so big Donnie? Raph says. Tears are pooling up in the corner of his eyes and he starts to wail. “I’m supposed to be the biggest brother! I’m supposed to keep you safe!”

“It’ll be okay. You can still keep me safe. ” Donnie reassures, he’s forgotten how much of a crybaby Raph was as a kid. He doesn’t think about it too hard, picking up Raph, Mikey and Leo, their weapons and starts to head back to the lair. He needs to call April, he tells himself as he shoots a tranq dart at Hypno right before he starts heading home, ensuring safety and all that jazz. 

Part of it is because he’s feeling petty. 

The other half is Donnie thanking Hypno for granting his wish (Derogatory). 

* * *

Donnie calls April. He is extremely thankful that she does not bat an eye at the weird shit and even weirder shenanigans that Donnie and his brothers get involved in. (Shout out to April for supporting his Pizzasauraus theory when literally none of his brothers would). He is thankful when she says that she’ll be in the lair in less than fifteen minutes. Perhaps he should childproof his room and lab at some point. Maybe he will do it tonight, once the three are asleep. 

For now, they need him to keep an eye on them to make sure they don’t get in too much trouble and cause too much chaos. 

But as thankful as he is, he wishes that she could get here sooner because he has no clue how to handle three tiny versions of his brothers. 

At the moment, they are quiet and calm. Donnie knows that it is not because that’s how they are as children. He has several very strong memories of when they were kids-of course the beach ball one is the strongest- and he knows that they were all very rambunctious and chaotic shits. It’s just a simple truth. Donnie thinks the quiet is resulting from them being in a place that’s so paradoxically familiar yet unfamiliar to them. 

They all hang onto Donnie as he treks to each one of their rooms and carefully rummages through their things and finds old, childhood toys that he knows that they all loved them so very much. Donnie hands each one of them their toys and heads down to the main area of the lair, away from his lab and dangerous things that could easily end any child’s existence. 

Perhaps he _really_ should childproof his room and lab at some point. Maybe he will do it tonight, once the three are asleep. Maybe he'll do it before, when April gets here. 

For now, they need him to keep an eye on them to make sure they don’t get in too much trouble and cause too much chaos. 

Mikey is the closest to him, resting on his side. Leo is a little further away from him and Raph is farther away, still in Donnie’s line of sight. 

“Don!” Mikey calls out.

“Yes Micheal?”

“Why you got a purple shell?” he asks. Children really do have a way to ask the most invasive questions in the most innocent way, Donnie notes. “I thought your shell’s green with spots.”

“Donnie’s got a purple shell?” Leo asks, looking up. 

“Yea!” Mikey says with a grin, with a slight whistle sounding off through the small gap of his teeth. He stands up, stands back, looking at Donnie’s battle shell. “It’s purple and it's got squares innit!”

“Ooo let me see!” Leo exclaims popping up and fumbling his way over to Donnie, and getting a closer look at his shell. “Why do you have this shell? Raph come look at Donnie’s shell!”

Donnie withholds a groan as Raph comes careening towards the other three, before he runs straight into Donnie’s plastron. Raph lets out an ‘oomf’ and a ‘sorry’ before scrambling around behind Donnie to get a look at his battle shell.

“I like your other shell better,” Raph says. 

That...that causes Donnie to short circuit, which is weird, because Donnie doesn’t do short circuiting at all. “Really?” Donnie questions, because Donnie certainly didn’t _like_ his real shell...for many reasons. But he’s not getting into it. “Why?”

“I just do,” Raph says, hugging Donnie’s arm and reminding the now eldest brother, of just how clingy-affectionate Raph was as a young teetle. 

Donnie looks at the curious eyes of his brothers, his now two youngest brothers constantly poking and prodding at the purple battle shell and he’s going to make a decision that’s going to rock his foundation. 

“Come on, guys,” he says, slinging Mikey over his shoulders and holding Leo in one of his arms, while Raph’s fingers hold on to one of Donnie’s. “Let’s go to my room.”

“What we gonna do in your room Donnie?” Mikey asks. 

“Something,” Donnie says in response, because this decision still is kinda messing with his brain but he’s going to go through with it because his dad didn’t raise a quitter. “You’ll see.”

The four turtles make it to his room and he continues past his workstation, having to pull Raph away who looks at it excitedly, and they make it to where his other battle shells are hanging up. His little brothers-wow, that sounds odd to say-look on in curiosity, trying to touch his other battle shells. “No,” he says in a stern voice, and the three stop, staring at him with wide eyes. Seeing that he has their attention. “Those are dangerous. You can hurt yourself.” 

They pull back, and hide behind him. “Sorry Donnie,” they say in unison. 

Having authority as the eldest sibling is weird, Donnie decides. He says something and they actually listen to him. It’s weird, to say the least. Not a good weird, not a bad weird, just...weird. 

Donnie thinks that it’s going to get weirder and that he’s simply going to have to deal with it. He moves on from that little instance and presses a button on the side of his straps of the battle shell and it comes off with a hiss. Donnie holds the shell in his hands, the weight of the battle shell keeping him firmly rooted in the situation, and hangs it in one of the pods. Turning to his brothers, he bends down on his knees and presents himself to them. 

“There we go,” he says, simply. “Purple shell is gone.”

His brothers jump on to him, wrapping their arms around him in a hug. Their hands are directly touching his shell, his _real_ shell and it’s a completely new sensation that Donnie is positive that he’s going to have to get used to. It’s weird, it’s weird, it’s so fucking _weird._

All of it is. This whole thing is weird. 

“You’re Donnie again!” Raph says innocently, Donnie thinks about it for a minute and then it clicks. His brothers are not only in a place and time that’s unfamiliar but everyone that they know in their own very limited world was completely different from what they know them as. Donnie, with his battle shell, had tread into that land of unfamiliarity, and only after taking off the shell, did his brothers truly feel comfortable and at ease with him. Like he was _truly_ one of them. 

“Yea, I am.” Donnie agrees, he’s trying not to focus on how unsettling it is for him to be bare shelled without it being bedtime. 

Luckily for him, his phone pinged with a notification to distract him from his thoughts about being bare shelled. He pulls his phone out and sees that it’s a text from April notifying him she was in the lair. 

Time to introduce his brothers to their best friend/sister. 

“Guys?” Donnie says, catching their attention. “We’re going to meet a friend of ours.”

Mikey, the ray of sunshine he is, the one who always wanted to befriend everyone, beams at the prospect of doing that. “We have a friend?!” he asks, pulling back. 

“We do.”

Raph, on the other hand, is uncertain. “Is it another mutant? Like us?” he asks. 

“No,” Donnie says with a small, teasing smile. “A _human.”_

“You’re pulling our leg, Don,” Leo says. “Humans don’t like us.”

“This one does. But she’s downstairs waiting for us,” Donnie says pushing himself up and holding out his hand. “She can’t wait to meet you all.”

Mikey holds his arms up to be picked up and Donnie can not help but oblige the little man’s request. Leo stays behind him while Raph stands at his side as they all make their way to the main area of the lair. When they make it, April is there waiting for them and Mikey squirms his way down and runs over to April. 

“You’re pretty!” Donnie hears Mikey say to April. April bends down to Mikey’s level and smiles back, giving him a compliment as well. “Donnie says that you’re our friend. Is that true?”

“Oh yes,” she says. “I’m not just your friend. I’m your best friend and your sister.”

Hearing the word sister, Mikey jumps up and down and runs back over to Raph and Leo. “You hear that?!” he says, and Donnie absolutely swears that there are stars shining in his eyes. “We have a _sister!”_

“No way,” Leo says, voice in awe. “Really?”

“It’s always been the four of us,” Raph says, sullenly. “We don’t have a sister.”

Mikey looks up at Donnie. “Donnie, we have a sister right?” 

Donnie nods. “We do, my dear Angelo.”

Mikey and Leo cheer, running over to April, while Raph hangs behind, close to Donnie, close to familiarity and safety. Raph was a stubborn turtle, who doesn’t handle change all that well, much like Donnie himself. They both preferred to have things remain exactly the way they are, because it hurts when things change and when nothing changes, when everything stays the same, there is no chance for harm. 

The older turtle nudges Raph with his knee. “It’s okay Raph,” he says. “She doesn’t bite.”

Raph shakes his head, resorting to hiding behind his brother. “No.”

Donnie has to bend down to Raph’s height and he looks him in the eye. “Hey,” he calls out. Raph refuses to look him in the eye. Donnie can work with that. “You really think I’d let someone in our lair if I knew they would hurt you?”

Raph folds his arms and hunches his shoulders upwards. “No?” he says, like he believes Donnie but doesn’t believe himself. “She’s a human and you know what Pops says about humans.”

“I do,” Donnie says. “But Pops likes this human and he approves of her.”

If he uses his Dad as a weapon, then maybe he can get Raph to let down some of his guards. “Pops is okay with her?”

Donnie nods. “He adores her, just as much as he cares about us, Raphael.”

Raph scrunches up his face. “Only Pops gets to call me Raphael,”he says.

A laugh lets loose from Donnie, thankful that Raph is back to normal. “So are you willing to give April a chance?” Donnie asks. 

He gets a half-shrug in response. Again, Donnie can work with that. “For you, and Mikey and Leo, I guess,” he says and Donnie senses some of that martyrdom that Big Raph has and works to hide his frown. Has Raph...has he always been like this?

Raph slips away from Donnie and makes his way over to April, who coos and gushes over him while Raph soaks in the attention as he tries his best to be standoffish. Donnie stops his thoughts from going down a rabbit hole because if they start, then he will not know peace for the rest of the night.

Donnie walks over to his three younger brothers and April. April looks up at him, “Hey Dee,” she says, tilting her head in confusion when she notices that he doesn’t have his battle shell on. “Where’s your battle shell?” she whispers over the three boys in her arms. “Did it get…”

Shaking his head, “No,” he answers. “It’s in my room.”

“Why is it off so early?” she questions. 

“Brothers didn’t like it.” he says simply. “So I took it off.”

“Okay then,” April says. Turning her attention to the three boys. “How old are you guys?”

“I’m five!” Leo shouts. He points to Mikey and Raph. “Mikey’s four and Raph just turned six!”

“Oh!!” April exclaims, sounding like a kindergarten teacher. “You three are very big boys!”

“Uh-huh!” Mikey agrees. His stomach loudly growling interrupts whatever he was going to say next. “I’m hungry.”

“Donnie,” April begins, and by the way she sounds, he can tell that her teeth are tightly gritting against each other and that he was in deep shit. “Do you know what time it is?”

He checks his watch. “Almost ten?”

“So why have you not fed the boys?” Ah, there it was. 

“Well excuse me for trying to wrap my head around the fact that my brothers are now children, April,” he snaps. It’s the first instance that he gets to let out some of the underlying frustration that he’s been feeling. He’s not a _parent._ He doesn’t know how to do this, this whole being an eldest sibling thing and taking care of your brothers. This is all new to him and he’s so out of his depth at the moment. Splinter isn’t here to help him at the moment. “That’s why I called you here, to help me, even if it’s just for tonight.”

April sighs. Donnie thinks he had gone too far. “Look April, I’m-”

April holds a hand up to stop him. “No, no,” she says, bouncing Mikey in her arms. “I was the one being too hard on you. Let’s, let’s go feed the boys.”

“Okay,” Donnie quietly agrees. “Hey guys, let’s go eat some chicken nuggets and fries, okay?”

“Chicken nuggies!” “Awesome!” “No gross vegetables right?”

To which Donnie says as they make their way into the kitchen, "Yes, chicken nuggies." "Indeed it is." "No gross vegetables this time Raphael."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they’re all eating chicken nuggies- _chicken nuggets_ and fries. As the three smaller boys eat their food, they bombard April with questions.

“Do you have a job?” “Not at the moment.”

“What’s your mommy and daddy like?” “They’re amazing, kinda like Master Splinter.”

“You got a boyfriend?” “I have two girlfriends.”

Leon drops his chicken nugget in his ketchup. “How come you have _two_ girlfriends?” he asks in awe. “You can do that? Have two girlfriends?” 

“Yep,” April answers. 

“That’s awesome!” Leon shouts, popping his chicken nugget in his mouth. 

Donnie laughs, “Okay, let’s allow our friend-”

“Sister!” Mikey interrupts. “She’s our sister!”

This gets a sage nod from Donnie, “You are absolutely correct Michelango.”

“Only Daddy calls me Michelangelo!” 

Another sage nod. “Of course, Micheal,” he says, “Let’s allow our sister to eat her food, she hasn’t gotten a chance to eat her food yet.”

Leo, Mikey, and Raph look at her and see that Donnie is telling the truth. “Sorry April,’’ they chorus. 

April smiles, reaching out to lightly pinch their cheeks. “It’s okay guys, it’s no biggie,” she assuages, sitting back down and starts eating her dinner. 

The five eat their meal and when they come back out, Donnie asks April to watch the boys while he goes to childproof his room because he knows that they’re going to want to have a turtle pile tonight, just like they did when they were children. She accepts her mission and begins to occupy the boys while he sneaks away from them. 

Once he is in his room, he gets to work on childproofing his room. Putting away all of his sharp, pointy, dangerous objects out of sight and out of reach of his brothers’ cute little grubby hands. Donnie then moves his half-finished projects, the ones that aren’t safe, the one that has exposed wires, sharp bits of metal sticking out, the ones that are bound to self-destruct at some point, out of his and move them up to his lab. He thinks that he’s got it all and he comes back down to the common area to see the three boys laying down around April. 

“Are they…” he ventures. April nods. 

“Okay,” he says, reaching down to pick up Mikey and Leo. He tries not to complain about how heavy they are while they’re sleeping as he takes them and lays them in his bed. Donnie is glad that all of their bedrooms are on the first floor. 

He gets them situated in the bed and then comes back for Raph, who is curled up in April’s arms. Donnie lifts Raph up, who simply wakes up slightly from the action. The little red masked turtle rubs at his eyes and looks at him. “ ‘m not sleep.”

“Dude,” Donnie says flatly. “You were sleeping.”

“Nuh-uh,” he says back. Donnie will not argue with a six-year-old, even if this six-year-old was his brother. 

“Say goodnight to April,” Donnie instructs. 

“Night-night,” Raph says to April, waving his hand at her. April smiles and waves back, wishing Raph a good night. She informs Donnie that she’s heading back home and she’ll text him when she makes it. 

He gives a jerky nod as an acknowledgment, watching April walk out of the lair and turning away to head to his room once she is out of sight. 

“She’s nice,” Raph mumbles. 

“I told you she was nice,” Donnie brags. 

“She’s nice,” he mumbles again, “Gotta keep an eye on her.”

“How about I’ll keep an eye on her?” Donnie says. “I’m the biggest brother, it’s my job to do that.”

“But _I’m_ the biggest brother,” Raph whines, and Donnie should cut this short lest Raph starts crying again. “I’m supposed to do that. I’m nothin’ without it!”

Donnie mimics something he’s seen on TV and bounces Raph in his arms as well as sways side to side. It seems to work. “You’re still our brother,” he says. “You just...you just need a break, alright?”

He hears sniffling, and a wet “Mmmhmm.” Donnie knows that this is not over. He’s worried about his brother’s sense of self-worth and he wonders if this is something that’s bleeding over from Big Raph over to Little Raph. 

Donnie and Raph make it into his room, Leo and Mikey are sitting on his bed, both of the younger boys sleepily staring at Donnie and Raph. 

“See Mikey,” Leo said, pointing at the other two. “Told you they were coming back.”

Mikey peeks out from behind Leo and diving towards Donnie. “Thought you was gone for good,” he whimpers. 

Donnie doesn’t say anything at first, stroking Mikey’s head gently to calm him down. “Now what’s this talk about me being gone?” he says with a soft smile, because the thought of him being gone for good and not being there for his brothers stressed him out.

“Didn’t see you,” Mikey says. “Thought you was gone. Thought some scary monster took you from us.”

“I was only getting Raph and wishing our sister good night,” Donnie explains. Donnie crawls into his bed and scoops his brothers into his arms. “I will never leave you behind, okay?”

Leo, Mikey, and Raph nod. Donnie lets them get comfortable, and they assume their positions. All three of them are right under Donnie, just like when they were kids; Donnie does not say a word as he gets his blanket and drapes it over the three of them. 

“Good night,” he whispers. 

Three young voices sleepily whisper “Good night,” back and Donnie falls asleep.

* * *

That sleep does not last long when he’s woken up to three heart broken screams and scrambling to get impossibly closer to Donnie. 

“Guys! Guys! What’s wrong?” he calls out, and gets his answer in three little turtles jumping on him and sobbing into his plastron. 

“Bad dream!” Mikey wails. Leo sniffles and nods, while Raph hugs on his arms even tighter. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Donnie offers.

The three seem hesitant to talk about it before Leo starts. “There was a scary man,” he starts. “He had metal claws, purple too.”

“He didn’t like us,” Raph says from the safety of Donnie’s arms. “Wanted to hurt us.”

Donnie pales. They...they couldn’t be having nightmares about the Shredder? That shouldn't be possible, they were children for christ’s sake. They didn’t need to be saddled with those horrible memories. 

“But there was a really nice woman,” Leo continues. “I hugged her.”

“Me too,” Mikey says quietly. “She was very pretty. She said she’s our family.”

“Donnie, where’s the pretty woman?” Mikey asks and Donnie realizes exactly who they’re talking about. 

“She should be here with us right?” Leo asks. “Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind.”

He doesn’t know how to break the news of Karai’s death to the three of them. 

“I hugged her too,” Raph says. “But she was green this time and-and-and-where is she? Did she leave us behind?”

Donnie hugs them all, and he starts. “The pretty woman, Karai, was our Gram Gram.”

“Where is she?” “Where’s our Gram Gram?” “Why isn’t she here?”

He hugs them even tighter, trying to hold back the tears that are building up in his eyes. “She’s gone,”

“Is she coming back?” Raph asks. “Like Pops does after he goes up to the surface?”

Donnie shakes his head, the tears that he was holding back now falling freely. “I’m so sorry buddy,” he says with a wobbly voice, because having to think about Karai’s death _hurts so goddamn much._ “She’s _gone.”_

“What do you mean gone?” Leo asks. 

“She’s gone and she’s not coming back,” Donnie explains. “She’s not waking up anymore.”

And now, they’re all crying, holding onto one another as they weep over their lost Gram Gram. 

“Did-did she love us?” Leo manages to say through the tears and snot clogging his voice. 

“She loved us very, very much,” Donnie says. 

“Bad man took her away?” Mikey asks. 

“Bad man took her away,” Donnie answers. 

“You won’t leave us, right Donnie?” Raph asks.

“Never,” Donnie promises. “Let’s try to sleep again.”

He hears the protests of bad dreams coming back, of what if the bad man comes back, of what if the bad man takes _them_ away and Donnie calmly shushes them all. He promises them that he will be by their side for the rest of the night, for as long as they need him to be. 

“Forever?” One of them asks. 

“Forever,” Donnie answers. 

“You won’t ever leave?” 

“Not unless you want me too.”

“But we don’t ever want you to leave.” “Never ever ever.” “Never in a million billion years.”

“Then I will never leave,” Donnie promises, and he will do every goddamn thing in his power to keep that promise. He is treated to the slow breathing of his little brothers-how weird is it to have _three_ little brothers- and he knows that they are asleep once again and everything will be okay for the night. 

Donnie lays back down and ends up with Leo kicking him in the face. He lovingly grumbles as he moves Leo’s foot out of his face. Perhaps, this whole being the eldest brother thing will be just what his brothers needed. 

Thanks Hypno, for granting his wish. (Half-Derogatory). 

This might be a chance for him and his brothers to heal from everything that has happened. This might be a chance for him to lead and help his brothers as they heal. If this is that chance, then Donnie will not mess this up; there’s too much at stake if he does. 

Donnie falls back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and kudos!! <3!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and kudos!!! <3 If enough people really want a continuation, then I will!


End file.
